Claiming Blackness: From Online Dating to The Naturalization Act

I want to break free yet hold on to the political fight. What do we do with the term ‘Black?’

Photo by Anthony Shkraba from Pexels, Adapted by Author on Canva

When I was in 6th grade, people in my class started “dating,” “going out” being girlfriends and boyfriends. That meant kissing, going to movies, holding hands, and calling each other on the phone. I was asked out many times in those years, but I refused. I was too embarrassed. I didn’t know how I would take being alone with a boy at a movie theater, let alone kissing! What if I had bad breath? My first “kiss” was Stefan, who kissed me on the balcony when my family went down to Haiti. Well, he kissed me on the cheek. I counted that as my first kiss. Years passed, and I was a late bloomer to the dating game.

My first “real” boyfriend in college told me, “I bet you think your sh*t don’t stink.” He didn’t know I’d been too terrified about my breath to think about that.

Fast-forward past graduate school. I started online dating. What could go wrong? I quickly learned that I needed filters, and I had one dealbreaker. You had to be pro black women. I put that on my profile. Something like, “If you don’t like me being black, off you go.”