Should We Lift Up The Bystander?

Maybe they’re not just dead weight like I used to think

Photo by Yan Krukov from Pexels, Adapted by Author

I have learned to be uncomfortable. That’s the new catch-phrase, right? Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. As a black woman in very white circles, I have learned that at some point in my day, someone may make me feel uncomfortable. Years of working through family dynamics, therapy, and study have helped me identify patterns. There’s one role I almost never take on. The bystander.

In a course I took recently, we talked about the many roles any person could occupy, or be drawn to in a situation of conflict. For example, there’s the bridge-builder, the abuser, the advocate, the common ground builder, the intervener (Ross & Tran, 2021). I have gravitated towards the advocate because if I don’t say it, often no one will. If I don’t speak for myself, no one will have my back.

The advocate is a role that in some ways has been forced on me and that I have embraced. In this course, I began to wonder about the bystander. What kind of power is in the bystander? Of course, many studies show that people are generally bystanders, even when witnessing someone suffering right in front of them. The more witnesses, the less likely anyone is to intervene. I’d say for most of my life, I have distrusted the bystander.